Character: Claude K. Winchester
Job: Motivational Counselor
Canon: Gravitation, underneath the angst and drama, is essentially the story of a band trying to make its way into stardom by any means necessary. Even if it means having a crazed semi-terrorist for their manager. Everyone knows that behind the curtains of every great band, there is a mysterious man pulling the strings and guiding them to the top. In the case of Bad Luck, the man popularly known as Mister K is that person. Though he'd much prefer to be pulling triggers rather than strings.
K's the man in the business that everyone knows, respects, and calls crazy when he's got his .44 magnum pointed at someone else's head. Though his methods may be called cruel, unusual, and even life-threatening, K gets things done and gets them done well, all with a grin on his face. Whether this grin is a professional, servicing grin or just one of a man getting his kicks is a question better left unanswered, because it's no secret that K's personal life is just as explosive as his professional one. Whether it's business or pleasure, K remains a vibrant character with a penchant for exclaiming random Engrish phrases.
HELLO EVERYONE! My name is Mister K and the motivational levels in this camp are no good. There have been too many complaints by people that camp has taken away their drive and spirit for life, so I'm here to remind you that this is unacceptable. You are in the United States now; you can do anything! Take pride in the American spirit! Freedom! Independence! Go ahead and do what you've always wanted to do. Get a job, raise a family with 2.5 kids, defend humanity from the forces of evil, even smuggle in half a metric ton of unregistered weaponry. But don't get caught doing anything illegal; I'm just a lowly salary man and I have instructions to shoot to kill.
So, where do you start? How do you change your life around to reflect the beautiful American surroundings that you've been blessed with? Ahahaha, pay attention kiddies, that first shot was just a warning shot through your foot. Uncle K's got a 5-step program on how to target your self-esteem and aim it straight at the star to victory. Don't let anything stand in your way, not even this M-16. Haha, don't worry, don't worry, I won't aim for the vitals.
Back to Uncle K's 5-step program! Step 1, remember not to compare yourself to others. You're as individual as everyone else is. And in the end, everyone bleeds the same way, don't they? We can even check if you want to be sure. --Oh, right right, step 2, don't be negative about yourself. If you can only see the bad, then associate yourself with positive and supportive people who'll remind you of the good! With me at your side, you'll always be able to run faster, jump higher, scream louder! If you think you're a loser who nobody wants to hang out with, I'll be that good Samaritan who'll hang out with you. Probably out of pity but I won't tell you.
Step... what number was this, doesn't matter, just remember, YOU CAN DO IT. Think positive! And if you can't believe in yourself, then believe in this gun that believes in you. Bang bang, shoot shoot, it's such a beautiful way of expressing our innermost beliefs, don't you think? Are you ready to work hard? Are you crying yet?